Managing Behaviour, PARENTING TIPS, PLANNING AHEAD, PLAY, Powerful Parents, STRESS-LESS PARENTING, Us Time

Half Term Hel…p!

Well, if like me you live in Wales, you’ll be half way through half term by now Yippee!

You’ve probably done the cinema, soft play and visits to Gran’s, you’ve bought half of Asda’s toy aisles and your home is a complete and utter mess.

Like most mums you’re probably willing on Monday and praying there’s no inset day you’ve forgotten!

Well done you for getting through the toughest few days, now it’s time to chill out.

So, here’s 3 ways to help you through the next 3 days!

1) ENCOURAGE BOREDOM

Sometimes, we give our children too much choice, and this can overwhelm them.

We think giving them lots of toys or laying out different types of creativities to do that we’re keeping them occupied, but this can have the opposite effect.

Their choice of what they want to play should be for them to freely choose but if you follow your child’s every desire and whim, then no sooner than getting the paint brushes out, they’ll be onto the play-dough shouting ‘Finished, what’s next?’ continuously flitting from one activity to another.

Sometimes we just have to let them just get on with their own business of playing.

We can’t do this if we keep providing things for them to do. They have to learn how to amuse themselves and become creative.

So, think less is more when it comes to play, less intervention, less toys, and more freedom and imagination.

Toys today are designed to do everything so our children don’t have to think. Dolls now talk, wee, eat, and cry, cars and trains move by themselves powered by batteries, electricity, and computers, nothing is left to imagination anymore. Even physical books are replaced by e-book readers, so there’s no need to even read the words on the page with audio books. Everything is already done for them, but is this better for our children?

We’ve got to allow our children the privilege of boredom so they can discover imaginative play again. There’s not much left to the imagination anymore, so when children are left to play out in the garden, they say there’s nothing to play with. We had no kids TV channels when I was growing up and certainly no computers or phones to ‘play on’ we played out in the rain with fresh air. And I look back fondly on those memories of the ‘good old’ days.

But even today, children can have just as much fun playing in the garden, having picnics in the park, or playing with a cardboard box than they do with a computer. They have to be given these opportunities and experiences though.

The absence of a TV, mobile phone, or computer can make our children feel bored because they’re used to this type of stimulation, and they can’t play alone or even with each other anymore, they just don’t know how to occupy themselves without these props, so they say they’re bored.

I have an answer for that; ‘Only boring people get bored.’

2) CHORES NOT CHOICE

My children learnt early on never to utter those words ‘I’m bored.’ As soon as they did, they knew I would find them a list of things to occupy them, such as cleaning jobs or homework.

On hearing what I had to offer to alleviate their boredom, they suddenly remembered they ‘d lots to be getting on with and got on with it!

Ironically, we help alleviate boredom by allowing them to become bored. This means occasionally removing toys and electronics. This is not a punishment, so to prove that to them, we have to join them in this practice too. This is probably something we’ll struggle with more than our children; I mean can you actually imagine a day without your phone, computer, or TV? You’d fall so behind on the soaps, social media, and junk email!

Boredom would eventually disappear, however, and our children would come to realise all there is naturally around them. They may struggle at first to find things to do, but given the alternative, such as cleaning their bedroom, they’d soon find something to do which is more fun.

What could you be doing that’s more fun instead?

3) JOIN IN

When was the last time you had some real fun playing with your child?

As grownups we have so many rules and we often try to impose these rules on our childrens play. But there’s no rules to playing. We may feel we have to take them to soft play or the cinema so they can ‘be occupied’ or ‘do something’ but what fun is that for us?

Do YOU really have fun watching animated films or watching tired, teary, toddlers fighting over the balls in the ball pit?

Us Time should be about engaging in fun together, it’s not about spending money or going anywhere in particular.

A spontaneous walk in the woods spotting squirrels is just as good as any day out.  You can find adventure anywhere when you look for it and you can relearn from your child how to enjoy doing that too. Stick or conker collecting, climbing trees and finding objects hidden in the clouds, are all fun, free ways to engage with your child.

Regardless of what we do with our children, if we’re having fun, then we’re playing.

It’s not the activity that counts, it’s how we feel when we do it.

Genuine play always feels good as it replaces control for freedom, anxiety for laughter, and learning for entertainment.

Stay Present, Em x

GUILT FREE GOALS, MEMORIES, MUM GUILT, PARENTING TIPS, Powerful Parents, The U URSELF Routine, Us Time

CLEANING IS CLUTTER

New year, new expectations and more to juggle.

But you can’t do it all.

Sometimes, you need to prioritise your time with those people and things that are most important to you. As mums we all feel guilty for doing anything other than parenting. But when we are spending Us Time with our kid’s, ironically, we tend to feel guilty for neglecting our other chores.

But even cleaning is clutter.

In my experience, dust never disappears, but our children’s youth does.

There’s always going to be laundry in the basket, dishes in the sink, and dust on the TV.

As long as we are alive, it never ends, so we needn’t feel the housework has to be done before we enjoy time with our children. I know it’s embarrassing when an unexpected visitor turns up and the house is a mess, but living life is more important than looking good to others. Besides, if those visitors are important in our lives, then they won’t mind we prioritise spending time with our children over a tidy house sometimes.

Our children will not always need us like they do now, but the time we spend with them today, will make a big difference that will stay with them for a lifetime, unlike that worn-out jumper that always needs washing and ironing. 

We can vacuum and polish until our heart’s content when our children have grown up and flown the nest.

Admittedly, we won’t have as much mess then, but who will we be keeping the house clean and tidy for?

An empty house is just a house, not a home.

Our homes are our family space to feel safe, relax, and play in. Children need enough space for playing with their toys and belongings. Sometimes, games, puzzles, dolls, and figures need to be left out in order for them to pick up playing where they left off last.

They don’t want a Feng Shuied bedroom with books and toys neatly stored away like ornaments just to look at. That’s just a waste of money. And useless, unused boxes of toys gathering dust, just create more unnecessary cleaning.

Enjoy some guilt free ‘Us Time’ playing today because toys that are loved and used often don’t gather dust, only memories.

Stay Present,

Em x

PARENTING TIPS, STRESS-LESS PARENTING

5 Proactive Pointers to- STRESSLESS PARENTING

Back to school and work, where routine should now be falling back into place. But with this comes school runs, after school activities, weekend sports, homework and a million and one other things.

When tired or stressed simple things like not having their PE kit washed for school can easily tip us over the edge.

Being proactive is the only way to prevent this.

What exactly is Proactive Parenting?

It sounds like a word you would find in business books—that’s because it is!

We have to approach parenting like running a successful business, if we want to be a success at it and produce successful children.

Simply put, it’s; planning ahead and pre-empting our childrens needs, and taking action to prevent unwanted situations arising, instead of reacting to them once it’s too late.

I know as mums we’re too busy to read, so if you’d like to hear more about Proactive Parenting you can put you feet up with a cuppa and listen to the audio book, available now on Audible below.

Reactive parenting is when all the tears, tantrums, and struggles happen, making us feel powerless, as if our children and their behaviour is out of our control.

So here’s 5 Proactive Pointers to put you in control, without being a controlling parent.

1. The Night Before

To alleviate the morning panic and chaos, decide what everyone will wear and lay school uniforms, PE kits, bags, shoes, homework etc.. out the night before. And make lunches or put the dinner money in an envelope ready.

Ironing school uniforms in the morning when running late is a nightmare!

To save time and stress, choose an hour or so a week (I personally love Sunday mornings to do this) to blast through the ironing pile in one go, and ask your child to read their schoolbooks to you as you iron (of course never leave the iron unattended while children are around). Then that’s homework and iron ticked off in one go. 🙂

Alternatively, pay someone else to do the ironing?

2. Delegate Chores

Affordable ironing services will pick up and drop off ironing and the time and stress they save makes up for the cost.

Shopping online to save time parking and packing can also help.

So can getting the kids to help around the home. Children like to feel grown up. They enjoy sorting the clothes into colours, putting the washing machine on, and pegging the clothes on the line.

When we include them, we’re not multitasking them with chores because they’re enjoying the process.

The difference is the way in which the task is approached and how we treat them. Instead of our children competing with the vacuum cleaner for our attention, while we scream and shout at them over the noise, we can involve them in what we are doing. We stress-less and get help to complete chores, while  enjoying some fun ‘Us time’ together.

3. Do it Now

Make a habit of dealing with things as soon as you can, instead of saving them for later, so  they don’t all stack up to be an insurmountable mountain, that you have no energy to tackle.

Check your diaries and to do lists today, and do all the things that can be done now.

If there’s too much that can be done now, is all of it necessary?

If not, can you get rid or delegate it?

Having to buy or make a costume for our children’s Christmas concert, for example, is much easier and far less stressful, if we tackle it the day we find out about it. I’ve often set the school letters aside and thought; ‘I’ll do that nearer the time, at the moment, there’re more important things to do today.’

Then before I know it, the costume has to be taken into school the next day for the show, and I have no time or resources to make one and no time to shop around or get one delivered from the internet either.  

Think now or never when you get that letter!

4.    SAYNO’ TO TIME TAKERS

Time Takers  come in all sorts of disguises, they’re not always people but all have one thing in common, they need you, but you don’t need them.

They can be jobs that need doing, places you have to go to, commitments you don’t need, want or enjoy. Feel free to make your own list, as this will be invaluable in taking that time back in the future. Here are some examples to kick start you off:

• Your boss asks you to do over time.

• Your partner wants you to entertain their friends.

• The dog needs a walk.

• The school needs a volunteer.

• Family is coming to visit.

• There’s a course you must take.

• A friend wants a gossip.

• Email & Social Media notifications keep going off.

• Your Sister needs a babysitter.

• Your Dad needs help with the gardening.

• Your Mum needs a lift to the hospital.

• The housework/decorating needs doing.

All can feel like they urgently need attending to, and all are worthy, loving acts, but you don’t have to be the one who attends to them all, all the time. Doing too much can feel like you’re being stretched beyond your limit, and this scattering of time and attention, anywhere and everywhere, can result in you going nowhere and doing nothing fast.

It’s about learning to say ‘No’ without feeling guilty or upsetting other people, and like anything else, it gets a lot easier the more you practice saying it.

We need to practice saying ‘No’ more often to others, and stop saying ‘No’ to ourselves.

5. Routines

We know what we should be doing to help our children, but often, we just don’t know how or where to start?

Well, routine Muma is the place.

When we’re busy, stressed, and short of time, routines guide us in the right direction, so no one’s confused about what they should be doing, when, and why.

But what routines exactly do our children need?

A routine which includes;

Recreational play time,

Sleep,

Exercise,

Love,

Food.

Routines create a clear route for us to guide our children. You can read more about The UURSELF Routine here

Of course, no route is ever straight forward, so be prepared for the occasional detour in the form of a sleepless night or change in appetite.

In the meantime, if you’re struggling with a fussy eater, you may be interested in my latest article in mums and tot’s magazine, Autumn issue out now.

If you’d like more proactive parenting /childcare tips, don’t forget to sign up to our monthly newsletter 😊

Stay Present, Em x