Very young children, such as those ‘Terrifying Toddlers’ can’t control themselves. Can’t be controlled by others. And can’t always understand rules and routines to begin with.
We have to be patient and persist with our rules and routines, until they learn them.
Until then, as parents we have to; stop trying to stop or control their tantrums.
As long as they are not harming anyone, including themselves, we can feel free to just leave them to it, while they tantrum it out of their system.
If we do, this means that our children’s behaviour is controlling us.
We have to show them that we are not going to be controlled. If we are worried that they may misbehave or embarrass us, then we will never be able to coach them in public, positively or effectively. Fear and embarrassment, are the main culprits for many parents losing control and shouting, smacking or nagging relentlessly.
We are not perfect parents (no one is) but as Confident, Proactive and Present Parents, we can allow our children the freedom to tantrum.
If we remain calm and un-phased, they will soon learn that there’s no point in carrying on anymore and will act appropriately.
We just need to watch their non -verbal and verbal cues, to warn us when a tantrum is about to erupt. Often the best thing to do is offer a gentle distraction, while we try to figure out what is behind that particular episode and how best to communicate with them.
Distraction & Love
If distraction fails then, we can simply do nothing except, acknowledge to them we are aware that they are upset. While letting them know that, we cannot help them while they are having a tantrum. Reassuring them that, this frightening reaction they’re experiencing will soon end. And we will be there to talk to them and try to help them, when they have finished.
Then if it is safe to do so, we can walk away and let them tantrum it out alone, until they come to us for a cuddle afterwards.
Our children fight for our attention any way that they can. If the negative approach doesn’t seem to be working, they’ll soon come to us for some love.
Children are Childish
When they realise, they are not getting the attention that they desire, they will soon become bored and stop of their own accord. We shouldn’t take it personally though or hold a grudge against them. It’s a childish way of venting their frustration but it’s the only way that they know how to.
Misbehaviour and tantrums, are just signs that can help us to find the source of the problem. If we can treat them as clues as to how our children are feeling, and find out why they feel this way? This can better help us to help them.
These outbursts can be very valuable in understanding and connecting with our children. As long as we can be proactive and take them in this way, instead of trying to stop them.
When we are ill, our body cries out in pain to let us know that something is wrong and needs our attention. It’s the same for our childrens tantrums, they are our childrens way of trying to tell us, they need help with something that they can’t cope with alone.
We just have to listen and Stay Present!